De mortuis nihil nisi bene

Photo by Veronika Valdova: https://www.pexels.com/photo/cemetery-of-fallen-soldiers-and-veterans-930711/

This is a Latin saying commonly translated to "Speak no ill of the dead." And I somewhat agree with that, however, due to a recent event in Germany I realized that I apply this behaviour in a more contextualized way.

But what happened? Ursula Haverbeck died. She was one of Germany's most known holocaust deniers. Despite being born in 1928 and therefore must having experienced - or at least heard of - the horrors first-hand. She must have seen people vanishing at night. Burning shops from "unwanted people" etc.

Yet she denied the holocaust publicly several times - which is a crime punishable by law in Germany. And to prison she went. I think between 3 to 5 times. For a sentence of, in total, 4 years.

Now she is dead at the age of 96.

And of course there are many jokes about her dead, people being generally happy that this mean-spirited woman is gone, etc. and so on. Just the Internet being ... well, The Internet.

Personally I smiled about some remarks or jokes but saw a line crossed when people were proposing to do illegal things to her grave. That's definitely against too many of my personal viewpoints. No matter if you believe in (a/any) god at all, our of which faith you are, a graveyard is sacred ground. A place where the living can meet the dead on a highly personal level. To ease the sorrow of a lost one. Completely disconnected from any religious dogmas or viewpoints - no matter if you share the same faith as the deceased person or not.
Religious arguments aside: Desecrating just one grave affects all people who have a connection to this graveyard. Totally not acceptable.

However there are many people who post comments with "Speak no ill of the dead." in order to ask people to stop making fun of her. And the common reply is: "There is nothing wrong in telling the truth about a dead person."

And I second this. We do not speak well of many people from the history of mankind either. Of course Hitler & Stalin immediately come to mind.
Well, certain people do, of course. But most people will be very determined in what they think of such people.

So, yes. Say anything about a dead person. As long as it is true. But keep in mind to whom you are speaking.

And this is what I realized. When I am at a funeral I won't go to the griefing partner/family-member/whomever and tell this person: "Ah, well you know.. I never really like X anyway." No, you won't. Common courtesy. Not the time nor the place to play games or live your personal vendetta. And if you can't bring yourself to not say anything like this: Be a nice human being and don't show up at all. Sometimes staying away from a funeral you have been invited to already says more than enough.

Maybe you would state that you will still miss this person - despite giving you hard times every now and then. Again focusing on the good. And this should be fine. As usually the bereaved know the character of the deceased very well for themselves.

For me, the saying therefore reads as: "Speak no lie of the dead and mind who you are talking to."

If we can collectively agree on this, than the Internet will be a better place.